What can I eat?

Meatless chili, vegetable stir-fry on noodles.

I’m starting to run out of the vegan recipes I already know. It won’t take long for me and my family to become hopelessly bored with my limited herbivore repertoire.

Undoubtedly, the time has come for me to learn how to make some new dishes.

At my wife’s suggestion, I found some cookbooks at the library. I’ve been sifting through them and will photocopy some of the recipes that catch my eye.

The thing that intimidates me, though, is all this talk of quinoa, tofu and imitation egg to hold your pancakes (or whatever) together.

It seems those are things that non-vegans rarely eat, if ever. Just hearing about them conjure images of granola hippies with dreadlocks tied into some kind of macrame.

Don’t get me wrong. I like those people and want to continue to befriend them. But I also want to continue to associate with the guy who’s at the drive-through ordering the triple-decker bacon, cheese and organ-meat-lover’s burger.

In short, I just want to eat healthy; not divorce myself from society.

And if I start making Quinoa/kale burgers and algae smoothies at every meal, I probably won’t get a lot of people wanting to come over and nosh with me.

Let’s make this clear – I’m not doing this as a political statement. As far as I’m concerned, if it weren’t for the heart-clogging cholesterol and excessive protein and calories that those foods deliver, animals would be totally fucked. There’d be no reason for me not to eat them.

That’s not to say I’m oblivious to their suffering. I believe strongly that they should be kept in humane, free-range environments when possible and that people should eat far less of them than we do. Meat should be an occasional treat, rather than the pillar of our diet.

It’s just that – why do they have to be so damn delicious?

But who knows; at the end of this month, I may become a confirmed v-man who can’t walk through the supermarket’s meat section without gagging or weeping.

Or, I may head straight for that drive-through.